General Update

I have meant to be better about updating my journal but so far I have not really done that well at it. I am going to continue to try to write more frequently though.

One reason it has been so long is that things have not been all that fabulous. I have been stressed, sad, anxious, and could be doing better recovery-wise as well. Not all of my update will be depressing stuff though, I am going to talk about good things as well.

The last two weeks have gone downhill as far as my going to bed on time, getting enough sleep, eating according to my meal plan, and eating on time goes. I am working on it though. My nutritionist and therapist haven't given up on me, so I know I am not a total lost cause, ha ha.

The inconsistent sleep routine has made an impact on my workweek though. Yep, you guessed it, I have been late on a few occasions this week. Not good. I also have a new cubicle neighbor. She is driving me crazy. I think I might have to start wearing headphones at my desk or something. She asks the most ridiculous questions. She knows the answers too, I think she is just trying to test me which gets on my nerves.

A couple of weeks ago I got myself into a mess. I went out with a couple of friends and got extremely drunk. I will black out on occasion when this happens. This is one of those times. I hung out with my friends a few days later and found out some odd things I did. I apparently hyperventilated and had a panic attack in the cab on the way home. I was also apparently not present. Meaning, I was in my head. I don't know, there were a lot of actions that concern me from that night. I am going to try to limit my drinking. On most nights 2 drinks max, on rare occasions, up to 4.

Okay, onto the good stuff...

I have had the opportunity to see a couple of screenings of movies before they officially came to theaters. I saw It's Kind of a Funny Story a few weeks ago and also saw Conviction. Both were excellent! I recommend seeing them. Tomorrow morning I am going to see a screening of Megamind! I am excited about that. I will be seeing Morning Glory next week as well. Yay for free movies! Ha ha!

I have gone to a few Meetups since the last post also. I have played more cards, learned how to play Bridge, and gone bowling a couple of times. Good stuff. The next week or two I am busy as hell. Most of it is good stuff though, so it should be more fun than stressful.

That is all for now!

Right now my mind is whirling. A few things that are on my mind and plaguing my thoughts:

- I made a fool of myself Saturday night. I went out with a friend and her friend and I drank a ridiculous amount and ended up wasted.
- I have destroyed friendships, and I am not sure if I will be forgiven by them or by myself. I am tired of doing this. It is also reinforcing my thoughts that I am a toxic person to be friends with.
- I am nervous about things that are coming up this month.
- My urges to self-destruct are high.

There are some good things that I am trying to remember though.

- I am doing pretty well at improving things with my current job.
- I have an amazing treatment team. I am actually somewhat looking forward to seeing my nutritionist today and my therapist on Wednesday.
- I still have some friends, and I am going to try not to lose them.
- My financial situation might be improving.


I don't know.

I have thought about updating this blog several times over the past few days but I hadn't done anything about it. I have been somewhat quiet in general I guess. I am going to try to update this more often. I know, I know, I have said that before. Maybe I can challenge myself to at least write a sentence or two about each day.