The past few days have been rather rough. Thursday through today have been hard food-wise but then other things have been rather difficult as well. My sleep has been very off. I am the reason to blame for this. I know that and I am working on making it better. I am also working on making the food situation better as well. I do not want to lose control again. I do not want this in my life anymore.
Thursday was a rather ballsy day for me. I ran late to work and as I got to one of the subway stations, I saw a woman taking all the copies of a certain free magazine out and tearing off the back of the magazine which showed a restaurant ad. I HAD to know the reason for this so I asked. She started to answer but then looked at me and realized I was just some random woman wanting to know so she stopped herself mid answer and simply said, "Have a good day." I asked if she was hoping to see the restaurant fail or something and she repeated to have a nice day. So, when I got to one of the ticket windows, I let security know. He he! I mean really? Chances are that the restaurant that paid to place their ad in that magazine probably would not have appreciated this crazy woman's actions. Maybe I overreacted but oh well, what's done is done.
As, approached my office building, I saw two co-workers headed out to get some coffee on their break. One of them has been constantly talking about my weightloss. She stopped and said hello and then said, "Wow! Look at you! You have lost so much weight! (Not true by the way.) If you keep it up there won't be any of you left! What's your secret?" My response? "Having an eating disorder." I walked away after saying that. One of them laughed so she probably thought I was making a joke, but really, I just don't care anymore.
While a co-worker and I were debating about various things (we debate often and it is kind of fun for both of us,) we came to the subject of Michelle Obama. I mentioned her "fight against obesity in children" and voiced my annoyances with the actions being taken. My co-worker then brought up the fact that weight can go extreme in the other direction as well (duh.) She said, "Several years ago eating disorders were pretty high in number, but I don't think it is as much of a problem now." I naturally made some kind of face and she asked why. I simply pointed to myself and she knew what I was saying. We didn't keep on the subject though, we moved on which was good.
There isn't much to report about Friday but the same cannot be said for today and over the weekend.
Saturday I slept very late and had a hard time finding the motivation to do what I needed to do in order to treat myself well. I thought about going to a church to play Bingo (he he) so that got me moving eventually. I made it to the church on time and was SO lost about what was going on! I had only played Bingo online really so this was a whole new experience. You had to pay in order to play since there were cash awards being given. So yeah, $20 later, ha ha. Oh well. I did have some fun except for a rather annoying guy who wouldn't leave me alone. He kept thinking he was "helping" me...ugh. Anyway, on one of the games where the prize was $500, I was ONE number away! Ack! It was a blackout game (meaning you had to get every number on that card to win.) There will be another time though. And just so you know, I wasn't the only young person there. There was a couple in their early twenties there as well. Here is a picture from that night:
Sunday I had two different meet-ups scheduled (through Meetup.com.) I was supposed to have brunch with one group at 11am and then meet up at the Esplanade for another that started at noon. Well, it didn't exactly work out that way. I ended up getting exceedingly lost. For some odd reason my brain just would not function at a decent level at all. I finally got there at 11:30am and looked around but I didn't see the people I was supposed to meet. I decided to sit down and eat something alone even though my mind told me just to use this as an excuse to restrict. Nope. So as I was waiting for a waitress to come take my order, a woman I recognized from the group's website asked if I was Karen (Kaz.) I joined her and a guy at another table. We chatted for a bit. I am honestly not sure how I feel about the group just yet. Time will tell.
I was late leaving that group to head to my other group. I ended up leaving the cafe at 1 and the second meetup started at 12. I thought it would be alright though. I walked to the subway and saw that there was a car waiting so I quickly hopped in it. A woman there informed me that the car had not moved in quite a while. I was a little discouraged but sometimes these things happen and are taken care of rather quickly. Nope. We were told to leave the car and that there would be no service on that line. An employee of the transit system was offering directions for individuals trying to get to various places. I asked how to get to the nearest station and he told me. Well...that is what I thought. I walked for about 3 hours with his lousy directions. I never saw either of the 2 stations he mentioned. I actually did find another station though. I ended up getting to the event around 4:15. Thankfully, the group was still there. I stayed and had a good time until about 8. There was one incident that put a damper on my mood though. I was wearing shorts (something I NEVER do but since the weather was going to be somewhat hot and humid and I knew I would be outside I did) and a guy saw some scars on my calf. These scars were self-inflicted. He asked me how I got them. He asked if a cat attacked me or something. To that I simply replied no and went back to what I was saying before. After a couple of minutes he said he would really like to know about the scars. I told him I did not want to discuss it. I was scared to say that and afraid that he would continue to press the issue but thankfully it was dropped and I soon joined some other folks.
So yeah, super long post. I know.
No comments:
Post a Comment